How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She's the barista slut.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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