dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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