I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I need water and some morals
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
