and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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