No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
