My balls are so social today.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
