Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dicks are not precious.
I think my moral compass just broke
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