so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
