I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Couch. On fire.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
