11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
