u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I checked into jail on foursquare
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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