in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
