dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
