Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
