whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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