her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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