My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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