I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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