Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
