im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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