I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
