Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
