Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
