I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize