Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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