She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
