Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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