Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
