I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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