The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
