I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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