I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
