I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize