like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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