He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
