so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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