Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
