last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
