grandma shit on top of the toilet
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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