like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
