I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
