The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He shit in the fireplace
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
