you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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