Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
