Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
