if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
