Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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