Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
