I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
