time to smoke my breakfast
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
