OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
