STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
