I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
