Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm bleeding and have questions
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