Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
