plz talk dirty to me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize