Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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