Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
