I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
