I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
