i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I puked a lego.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
