Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
