please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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