I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
