Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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