Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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