My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
our cab driver is having phone sex.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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