i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
