At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
