Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize