He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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