i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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