Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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