i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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