I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
