nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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