Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
